True confessions

Thumbing through the New England Journal of Medicine, I come across this paragraph out of a case presentation of Jacob-Creutzfeldt disease, the dreaded neurologic condition related to "Mad Cow Disease":

The patient had been in his usual state of health until approximately four weeks before admission, when he noticed severe fatigue, frequent yawning, and difficulty concentrating; insomnia, intermittent confusion, and unsteadiness of gait developed. During daily activities, he required multiple breaks that he had not needed previously.

Rats. I knew something was wrong with me. There's good reason not to read the New England Journal of Medicine anymore than absolutely necessary.

Since there is only a short time before I start drooling on myself, I better get this off my chest: I have chronic Twinkie poisoning. I know I've made an occasional snide remark about this ailment, but that was only a facade to keep my vast readership from guessing the truth.

During the time that I was prevented by my imagined neurological condition from blogging, I came across several extremely humorous and well-written blogs, my favorite being The Fat Cyclist (google it and you'll find the site; my medical problems prevent me from providing the link). The Fat Cyclist chronicles his weight-loss efforts, reports his weekly weigh-ins, and actually offers prizes to folks if he fails to meet his goals.

This is a great idea, and in my typical fashion I lifted it. There will be some alterations: as my income has plummeted as a result of ever-increasing malpractice premiums, there is no way in Hades that I'm going to offer a nickel if I fail to meet my goals. Before and after photos are also out or the question.

Other than that, I'll provide you with my story about the journey towards Buffness, mixed in with biting commentary regarding the tort-lawyers of this country. I might add that at one of the hospitals there is on office pool for when I break something while mountain biking. The over/under stands at three weeks.

Here goes: height 5' 10". Weight 200.6 lbs. Goals for next Monday: height 6' 0" (just kidding), weight 199.5.