Proof of God's existence

The patient shifts uncomfortably in his seat as I enter the room. Glancing this way and that, he works up the nerve to pop the question: "Doc, why did you go into gastroenterology. I mean, sticking scopes up people's (you know) seems a little gross to me".

For a moment I thought he was going to hit me up for an Oxycontin prescription that would take care of him, his family and his friends for about three months (I never prescribe the stuff, by the way). Instead he just wants to know what kind of pervert I am.

Most of the time I just make something up, like "My grandpa had such horrible constipation and suffered so, so I dedicated myself at an early age to try to improve the bowel function of my community". Occasionally I tell the simple truth: when I was in college I loved pinball machines. And I was not just good, but was GREAT at them. My idea of quality entertainment was to spend 50 cents at the student union thrashing the machines there. Two quarters was all it took to get me through an entire evening, and given a few games to figure them out, I could win games on just about any of them.

After the patient gives me the "I thought you were a pervert but instead you're a nutcase" look, I then explain just what pinball machines and endoscopy have in common: its all about hand-eye coordination. Somehow we try to maneuver an inanimate Object about a maze of a colon without pushing too hard and setting off the TILT alarm. Really not much different in concept from a pinball game. Video games and modern endoscopy are very similar: we twist little knobs and dials and watch what happens on a monitor. I've been doing this for almost twenty years and I still think it's kind of cool.

Which is why I was thrilled at the release of a new study claiming that we medical proceduralists benefit from the routine playing of video games (link not provided because I was too lazy to hunt it down and haven't yet figured out how to imbed it into the text). Life is good. Only a beneficent God would allow me to have a profession where I can play Madden 2004 for hours on end and consider it continuing medical education.

Next entry: the first of my malpractice suits.